My One Step Method Through Grief

Updated: Jun 28

Walking through the grief process of the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest journeys we take here on earth. (At least in my opinion.) Although, no one is truly lost but more found than they ever were, we feel the loss of their presence. It's a horrible feeling! Some days there is endless crying, others we feel nothing. Then there is the anger, the guilt, and worst of all the lack of motivation to do anything! If movement brings more motivation then its hard to go onward on our life's journey if there is no movement at all.

I discovered something that works for me during any condition I might be in at any one given day. I call it my "one step movement" technique. It's actually pretty easy. I decide to complete ONE thing during the day. This can be anything from laundry to running errands. I decide what my one thing will be for the day. If I achieve more than one then it is a plus! The main idea is movement and the feeling of having had accomplished something; anything!

Sometimes I find it hard to get motivated for my one step but once a few are accomplished the reward is getting movement going. Remember movement begets movement. Today I achieved much more than I usually do in a day. I had one crying episode in the closet but that is ok! At least I got some sorting done, etc.

Being stuck is one difficult part of grief. It feels like we become a statue that can't seem to move because the hardness and harshness of the grief process has frozen us solid. Don't let yourself stay stuck! Decide to create that one thing you will accomplish tomorrow and then the next day! Hardening is what we want to avoid. It becomes harder to move once our hearts are hardened and too grief filled to move our bodies and lives at all. Its like a rock with a slushy soft middle that never seems to want to stop trying to gush out.

Cry if you must. It's a whole lot better than becoming a solid statue that can't seem to get moving again. Keep the sludge out of the insides. Cry, take your one step, and be grateful you did something today! It will get easier, I promise! Cry while you wash the bed sheets, hang a picture, go to the post office or whatever it is you feel you can do for the day. Your body knows what it knows. Believe me, you soulfully are able to do this even when it feels like you can't. There is no such word as "can't" so kick it out of your vocabulary! YOU CAN! As long as you believe this, YOU WILL!

I don't want to make it seem like grieving a loss is something to create a process out of. I just want to find ways to get through the mess in one piece. I am hoping somehow at the end of the journey I am put together enough to survive the feeling we call grief. I am not sure grief is a strong enough word. Depending on the situation it can feel like hell on earth.


There is recovery though. The sense of missing someone and loving them will never go away. It is not supposed to. This is how we keep them alive in our hearts. I believe heaven is in our hearts as much as anywhere else. Yet, we can move onward. Sometimes I don't even want to look at other people because I just cry my brains out. There will come a day when this will change. I'm patient with myself. Remember it is YOUR grieving process, so take over your life in this area and do it the way you are able. When in doubt, talk to someone, anyone who will listen. Getting things out is the best way to make sure it does not stay in a place where things will harden. Keep taking that one step!

**dragonfly photo supplied by

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